I’m a senior now

I am graduating next year.

How crazy is that? I’m turning 18 this year, I’m currently adulting. I am graduating high school next school year. It’s all hitting me fast. It has been difficult, and even more difficult things to come. Its been worth it. I’ve met such amazing people through school recently. I’ve met someone who I adore so greatly. New friends, new support group. And its the first time I have ever had a positive group of friends to be with. I am loving it. but I am scared.

I am scared of graduating without my dad.

My dad was my main support to graduate. He recognized the previous high school I was attending was un healthy for me. So he recommended the one I’m at now. best decision of my life. He was my best friend. The one id spend time with every weekend. We would eat Chinese food every time. and burn our tongues on the hot tea. It’s so difficult to even talk about him in past tense. It’ll be a whole year already here soon. I miss him and my brother more than anything in this universe.

When I graduate I know they will be the most proud of me. And thanks to my dads sister, I will be able to walk with him. She gave me a necklace with some of his ashes inside and his picture engraved into it. Along with his high school graduation tassel. Its going to be hard, but a long journey worth taking.

I am scared of leaving my parents.

No matter how much I want to move out it still will be difficult. Leaving my bedroom behind. My mom and step dad. My old doggo Max. My mom and I, We argue, we fight, we yell, but I still love them both.

I am afraid of my friends and I growing apart.

After high school people end up doing different things. Me and my small group of friends have plans to all be together after we graduate. Like live in an apartment together. Share the the rent. Go to the same colleges in Alaska. Since that’s all we could afford currently. But I’m still scared of having something happen to us that makes us all just disappear from each others lives. this group of people I love so much they help me through a lot and we always have others back through anything. they know when im sad, angry, without me having to say a word. And these are the people who are going to go far in life. Such a positive vibe from us all. Id be very upset if I lose them somehow. I have faith that we wont be disappearing anytime soon at least.

Conquering fear creates opportunity…

Your largest fear carries your largest growth! You can’t sit and watch as fear takes over all your futures beautiful things. As much as I fear the future, I cannot wait to learn from it. I know ill make mistakes. But that’s okay, things happen. I’ll know better next time. to conquer fear you must find courage and face it head on. It isn’t easy, especially with some who suffers from anxiety as my self. It’s definitely possible. Conquer it with supportive friends and/or family. And if you don’t have a stable support system seek a counselor! Either from school or just a trusted adult. there are so many ways you can do it. I recently found this article on how to conquer your fears now and I thinks its worth the read (: 33 powerful ways to overcome your fear.

As for me, ill be just focusing on the present. On finishing my over due chemistry projects, my reading assignment for the college course I’m taking, and then just enjoying time with my best friends.

Until next time…

~Mariah

 

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” —Nelson Mandela

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